Monday 25 January 2010

I was in Tesco. You know this isn't going to go well

Although, big exciting news: Aunty is telepathic!

I could read the mind of the wench in front of me - although to be fair, there wasn't much reading required. She was more of a pamphlet than an epic, but even so: I could read her thoughts! And I'll share them with you here - because I know you simply can't stand the suspense, of course. She was thinking, "My goodness me! This chap seems to require....payment! Imagine! I thought I'd load all this food in to my trolley, slowly - slower than continental drift - and then stroll out of the shop! Payment, eh, there's a rum thing. I'll have a rummage in my bag and see what I can find."

I don't believe that she was telepathic. In fact, I'm certain she wasn't: because if she had been, she'd have turned round and lamped me.

Aunty adores you all, you do know that, yes?

x

Monday 4 January 2010

I made a New Year's Resolution, once

I vowed to drink vodka.

It culminated in a local cab company refusing to ever deal with me again. Also, whenever my friend (whose party was the scene of this vodka experiment) plans any more parties, his neighbours knock on the door, quivering with fear, asking "that woman isn't coming again, is she?"

Good times. Excellent times.