I was in Tesco. You know this isn't going to go well

Although, big exciting news: Aunty is telepathic!

I could read the mind of the wench in front of me - although to be fair, there wasn't much reading required. She was more of a pamphlet than an epic, but even so: I could read her thoughts! And I'll share them with you here - because I know you simply can't stand the suspense, of course. She was thinking, "My goodness me! This chap seems to require....payment! Imagine! I thought I'd load all this food in to my trolley, slowly - slower than continental drift - and then stroll out of the shop! Payment, eh, there's a rum thing. I'll have a rummage in my bag and see what I can find."

I don't believe that she was telepathic. In fact, I'm certain she wasn't: because if she had been, she'd have turned round and lamped me.

Aunty adores you all, you do know that, yes?

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