I will climb in through the sun roof and slap you with my handbag

I have chosen which handbag I will use; a beautiful black silk 1940s-style handbag with a silver clip.

Some of you were obviously not paying attention to the earlier lesson about how to use roundabouts, but I'm not teaching to the lowest common denominator so you can just read back through to remind yourselves.

Here's a thing, though: THE OBSTRUCTION IS ON YOUR SIDE. So bloody well pull over and let me through. If the obstruction is my side, I pull over. It's just how these things work. Similarly, if a car is driving along a narrow road, which is wide enough only for a parked row of cars each side and a car driving down the middle, do not turn in to the road and then DRIVE STRAIGHT AT ME.

And lastly: get the hell off your phone. I swear to God, I will climb in through the sun roof and slap you with my handbag. And you know which one I'm talking about.

That is all.