It's not a lollipop, you know...

Dear drivers (in particular of course: those in front of the Lushmobile)

Whilst driving, if you happen to see something at the side of the road that looks rather like a six foot tall lollipop, bearing the pattern of a white circle, with a black line running across it rather like a Miss World sash - it means something. Really! I know, it's amazing to think it's not just there for decoration. No indeed! In fact, it pertains to the speed limit on that particular stretch of road. Craziness!

And let Aunty be the first to educate you in the ways of the black and white lollipop - it's telling you that the National speed limit applies. That means 60mph on a single carriageway road, or 70 mph on a dual carriageway or motorway. I know that those terms are really ever so confusing, so allow me to help you out.

If, when you look in your rear view mirror, there is nothing behind you; and if you glance to your right and you see cars flying past at warp speed, you're on a dual carriageway, or a motorway.

On the other hand, if there is a queue of traffic behind you so long that it can be seen from space; if, every once in a while an angry, frustrated, and mildly terrified looking driver manages to pass you at high speed in a low gear, praying all the while that nothing comes round the bend in the other direction, then you're on a single carriageway road. In that situation, you must turn left at the first opportunity, abandon your car, collect your travel rug and your driving hat, and walk the rest of the way.

Bastard.